Although its roots in popular culture can be traced back to the sixties and the highly awarded movie ‘The Graduate’, Cougar dating is experiencing a breakout role in the dating scene of late. The social stigma once attached to Cougars is slowly being overturned and these women are being recognized for what they actually represent; strong, independent women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go and get it.
For the un-initiated, a Cougar (as defined by the urban dictionary) is ‘ An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man’. CougarLife.com, the web’s largest Cougar dating site is attempting to redefine this description to any women over 35, dating a man at least five years younger. A Cub is the younger male partner in the relationship.
From the clichéd Stifler’s Mum to Cougar Town, popular media has grasped onto an emergent trend and bought it to everyone’s attention, igniting the testosterone of millions of men who hadn’t realized that older women are, in fact, hot. Cougars that had repressed their desires for uncomplicated ‘arrangements’ with younger men took confidence in the reduced stigma and ventured out of the nightclubs and into mainstream dating circles.
How does it work?
To understand the Cougar / Cub dynamic, we should look at what makes up each person and how that gels with the other. Cougars are older, established, independent women with little time for games, a clear idea of what they want in life and, often, just entering into their sexual peak. Cougars are also weary of the politics with men of the same age where pay check comparison, emotional baggage and lack of stamina can detract from any kind of relationship, short or long term.
Often portrayed as wanting only a short-term toy boy, this image is gradually shifting and a greater number of Cougars are entering into long term relationships with their cubs, although, there are many ‘classic’ Cougars still on the scene seeking temporary sexual satisfaction as well.
Cubs are known for their unwillingness to put up with the head games and neediness of younger women as they are establishing their own path in life and looking for uncomplicated relationships. Step in the Cougar, a mature woman who can guide them emotionally, mentally and sexually through these formative years without burdening them with their own troubles. Oh yeah, and they find them completely hot.
But does it work?
On the surface the Cougar / Cub relationship appears perfect.
- Each partner is at or near their sexual pinnacle,
- Often only looking for short term satisfaction,
- Both are looking for relationships or arrangements without the politics encountered when dating in their own age brackets,
- The cub can be focused on his own goals as the cougar is already established,
- Cougars guide their cubs into manhood in a gamut of ways, and
- The natural self-confidence of a young man gels perfectly with the gained confidence of a mature woman.
What is the reality?
Like any couple, Cougars and Cubs have relationship difficulties to overcome. The prominent argument against dating younger men is that socially, it just doesn’t fit. This is something that does rear its head reasonably often and the following types of comments should be expected;
‘So your taking your Mum out for dinner are you?’
‘Is that your Son?’
Short of a little name calling and some backwards glances, this is not insurmountable and shouldn’t really even register as a problem, if you are content within the relationship. Family and friends will also accept your choices, even if it takes them some time to come around.
Another argument against Cougar dating is that eventually he will want kids and she won’t or already has. This is no different than any other relationship where one partner is keen for kids and the other wants career or travel or even has children from a previous relationship. In fact, quite often younger guys are dating older women because they aren’t pressuring for marriage and children. Like any other relationship, open and honest communication is the key to knowing your partners desires.
‘There won’t be a sexual connection ‘cause older women are less adventurous’, is something that you may also hear. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, Cubs, you’ll likely be surprised by how adventurous, aggressive and sensuous an older woman will be. All that experience versus your handful of women, you do the math.
Finally, the burgeoning physical difference as time goes by. Whilst it may become quite noticeable if we are talking fifteen or twenty years difference, if you’ve been in a committed relationship up to that point, I imagine you weren’t just in it for the looks.
When it gets down to it, what makes you, as an individual, happy?
Cubs, do you find Cougars hot, do they fit your lifestyle, and do they offer something you can’t get from women your own age? If you answer yes, then go for it, regardless of the other crap you may contemplate about the possible drawbacks. Sign up for your free account at CougarLife.com.
Cougars, do you lust after Cubs, do you want an ego boost on your arm and in your bed, do you want the uncomplicated attentions, the power in the relationship and a pliable hunk of hunk to mold? If you also answer yes, forget the stigma and go for it. Sign up for your free account here.