Users Guide To A Successful Affair

Casual Affair LipsSo you’ve made the decision to have an affair. Your nerves are tingling and you’re anticipating your first dalliance. Maybe you’ve joined some sites, flirted with a few people or even organised a hook-up.  But have you organised your alibi, cleared your browsers cache, ensured your credit card bills only have discrete charges, cleared your call log or bought a second ‘drop’ phone.

Have you got a plan to hide your affair/s for now and the future?

Without a plan, your affair will be short lived! Guaranteed! Whatever the reason for your affair in the first place, once the choice is made; the majority of you are going to want to keep it from your partner.  Read our seven steps below to ensure that your affair isn’t going to destroy your life.


Step One: Phones And Computers Will Be Your Downfall

While they facilitate your affair, they’re also the most common reason for getting caught.Phone and Computer Firstly, sign up for a new email account from Gmail or Yahoo Mail. Use a different password than your normal one and don’t be as silly as to add it to your Outlook Accounts on your home computer. Try to check your email only from work or external computers or if you do it from home, use the ‘Private Browsing’ or ‘Incognito’ settings from your chosen browser. I recommend Chrome as all browser add-ons are disabled when you enter Incognito mode, including browser installed tracking programs. You can download it here.

Make sure you use this new email account when you sign up to online affair websites.

A second phone is an absolute necessity when you embark on an affair. In fact, with a decent smart phone, there’s no need for a computer as you can check your email on your phone. Some online affair sites even have apps you can download to your phone. (I don’t recommend doing this on your normal phone).  Use a phone with a pre-paid account which you can top up when required as post-paid phones involve billing or a direct debit which only creates further problems.

This phone should be kept in a place that only you know about. Leave it at work or hide it in your car. Strange rings from foreign phones at midnight are not going to be easy to explain away. For safety’s sake you can also delete texts, voice-mails, call and browser history before you get home.


Step Two: Caught Cheating: Priceless (Don’t Use The MasterCard)

Having an affair is going to cost you. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’ll sign up for a free account on a dating site, meet someone and be having sex at their place the following day. From site membership fees and phones to dinner and hotel rooms, there are going to be costs and you don’t want the financial trail to lead back to you.

Credit Cards

A pre-paid credit card, either a throwaway or re-fillable type, is going to be your friend. Use this for your memberships, phone top-ups, hotels, flowers, dinner or whatever. With no paper trail, the chance of getting busted is greatly reduced. If your partner is all over your spending and saving habits, you’re going to need a good excuse for where your money is going. A new hobby with inflated set-up costs is a good one. To reduce the suspicion, only top up or purchase cards in small amounts. Keep your card with your phone if your partner goes through your wallet.


Step Three: The Best Lie Is 80% Truth, 20% Bulls**t

80 Percent TruthIf you say you’re off to a work function with colleagues, then you’ll need to remember that. Nothing will arouse suspicion more than your story changing from the time you leave to when you get back. We find that the best idea is to try and stick to the 80% rule. Example: If you’re going out to dinner with your affair partner, then your story should be dinner, but maybe with a non-mutual friend. The fewer the variables, the greater the chance of keeping your story straight.


Stalking Guy

Look out for stalkers!

Step Four: Affairs With Singles? Recipe For Disaster!

This can be a bit of a hot topic but from our perspective, avoidance is best. If you’re married or involved with someone, you’ve got something to lose. Single people have no such problem. What happens if they develop an emotional attachment? What if you’re not looking for another committed relationship outside (instead) of your current one?  Who is going to lose?

It is true that some single people prefer affairs with the married because the chance of an emotional attachment growing is limited and, if this is the case, we say go for it. But if they haven’t been told this in plain English, well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, move on to the next. An overly attached male or female with the kind of power over you that an affair would give them could be a major headache.



Step Five: – Sounds Legit

LegitAs you have probably already noticed, there are dozens if not hundreds of dating / affair websites online. What you should be aware of is that a large percentage of these are rip-offs but what you may not know is that some are actual scams, with nefarious (usually international) types waiting for you to sign up only to blackmail you. You can check out our experiences with the best, and worst, affair sites and make up your own mind about which ones are going to suit you.



Step Six: Play Your Cards Close To Your Chest, Initially.Playing Cards

Just as some websites are scams, so can people be scammers. Armed with your name and suburb you are at the whim of the person at the other end. Or what if you hand out your name to your partners work mate who’s also looking to spice up their life? Be wary of how much personal information you share before you have a clear picture of who you are talking to.



Step Seven: Would You S**t Where You Eat?

Excuse the title but you wouldn’t, would you? Don’t bring them back to your place. Don’t park your car outside the only motel in town. Don’t tell anyone, even your best friend. Don’t go to your favourite restaurant. Don’t go to your regular seats at the theatre or football.

Shit Where You Eat

In fact, avoid anywhere you or your family and friends regularly go and suggest the same to the person you’re hooking up with.  A great idea is to only meet in private at a place that neither of you frequents, i.e. – a hotel room.


A final pearl of wisdom:

If you sleep with someone, Shower! It’s easier to explain fresh deodorant than someone else’s perfume or aftershave. And don’t forget protection.


8 Responses to Users Guide To A Successful Affair

  1. kitten says:

    pretty sad – if you want to have an affair why don’t you leave your relationship. All time low when tips for affairs are published.

    • admin says:

      Are you trolling sites handing out judgement or did you just happen upon our site when looking for couples therapy?

      People cheat for a multitude of reasons, and I don’t feel that you, or any of us are in a position to judge. Should we rebuke the gentleman who thanked us for helping him find a legitimate affair site to use after his wife was disabled in an accident and could longer have sexual relations with him. Should he have left her?

      Without knowing and understanding people’s reasons for taking these actions, we are not in a position to impose our particular brand of ethics on them.

    • Puppy says:

      Wow. Millions of people around the world could’ve had such a perfect life, if only they’d chanced upon your advice.

      The fact that you’ve managed to reduce everyone’s unique circumstances down to a single sentence suggests a level of prophetic insight that defies imagination.

      Are you married? Pretty safe to assume he’s cheating on you. With the level of empathy you’ve shown here, it’s pretty clear you’re ordinary in bed.

      • Cerberus says:

        The fact that your reply resorts to insults and self-righteous condescension shows you are one of those pathetic people who have to rationalize and justify their actions, because likely you know they go contrary to accepted norms.

  2. Blah blah blah says:

    I’m sure the justifications people make to indulge in secret affairs are as varied as they are numerous but ultimately it’s a total coward act. Plenty of couples have open relationships were everyone knows where they stand. If you’re making a choice that monogamy is not for you fine but at least own it, sneaking around on the internet is just pathetic

  3. Ella says:

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong in having an affair as long as no one finds out. World of pain for many if you do. Thanks for the hot tips. I’ll be using them.

  4. Shane says:

    People who cheat generally would not go down that path if there partners were satisfying them at home, I think the blame has to be equally spread across both parties. My partner and I used to have a great sex life but she has lost all interest, we have spoken about it we both realise there’s a problem, we have had counselling but she still cannot find a spark for me. We still love each other but I have needs, I have never cheated on her but the thought of having meaningful sex is something that I really miss.

  5. Shane says:

    Also I have told my wife she is free to have sex with other people but she has said that would never be ok for me.

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